fuckin aneurysm

a very sad news struck home today. mourning veils my aura black. i still havent recovered from momoy's death, almost three years ago; and today, his mom suffered from the same traitor of a disease. she's in a state of comma, and respirator dependent as of the moment. my heart goes to dear gracie.


"..naka-duty sya sa ospital nung mangyari, around five o'clock. kagaya din nung nangyari kay momoy, biglaan din. ugat sa utak. tinapat na kami nung doctor.. ala na daw aasahan.."
--from a telephone conversation with ate malou

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August 20, 2007

last week had been a week of terrible floods and endless rain here, in my little spot in the world called the philippines. somehow the overcast-nimbly (full of nimbus clouds? hehehehe) skies reflected the somber feelings i've also held. aug17 was the day that momoy died. he was in his teens when it happened, a year ago. he's my nephew, and was my roommate for the better part of two years. he had chinese eyes, and a cheerful disposition that is contagious like disease--only, the difference would be, is that you'd be very much happy you contracted it. :) no one had an inkling it would happen. everyone rationalized that he cant die. not this early. hes way too young. but it happened nonetheless, and all of us in the family still carry in our hearts that hurt that someone so young and so full of unrealized potentials should go like that. aneurysm, they say, was what did him in. a vein popped... snapped and boom... gone instantly. we found him in the toilet, lying unconsious like he just felt like sleeping while in the middle of taking a dump. imagine the horror when all of us were roused in the middle of the night to a scene like that. our beloved momoy lifeless in the toilet floor. part of me wants to give all the remaining details but a part of me also wants to forget it, or at least keep the hurt to a minimum by not writing about them anymore. on his first year death anniversary, we braved the strong rains and went to the the province to visit his final resting place. we held vigil there amidst flowers and balloons we brought, and tried to remember all the good things that have endeared him to us. to me, momoy is both child and adult--a complex nephew worthy to be in league with an equally complex uncle. hehehe. he loved food with such ferocity you cant possibly contest that he lives to eat, and not eats to live hahaha. joke, moy, wherever you are. :) that, i say, is the child in him; but on the far end of the spectrum of his attributes, is that he can carry on a completely adult, intelligent conversation like hes been doing it his entire life. momoy is a treasure trove of ideas, and we would carry on talking about almost anything til the wee hours... ahh.. i still miss him. the remaining days of the week rolled by with me feeling lethargic. i planned to carry out at least one type of exercise but to no avail--i was too down and out to move and pretend like everything's ok. i just spent time watching dvds at home, and cooking... and eating; the way momoy would spend his ideal weekend. :) good thing the sun is shining now as i'm writing this entry. a sign of moods lifting high? i hope so.