3.12.2009

numb


tatay will be celebrating his 66th birthday tomorrow, had he been alive today. Its been almost five years now since his passing—he lived long enough to see me turn 23; died five days after, from complications brought about by his diabetes. Five years. one helluva tough ride if you ask me. i remember making a promise on his grave to make him proud. I remembered the conviction. I remembered the tears.

Now i just feel numb.

Nanay will cook pancit tomorrow, that is already a given. We will visit his grave. We will say our prayers. I will thank him for the best years of my childhood, the warmth, the glow; things i miss so badly now.

11 comments:

Mr. Scheez said...

And I know you made him so very proud with what you have achieved, Kuya Gentle. =)

Anonymous said...

yep... definitely proud

--E

Niel Camhalla said...

Questions: Have you written a poem about/for him?

How can you miss someone when you feel numb?

jamie da vinci! said...

smile gentle yogi. di bagay wrinkles sa yo.

Herbs D. said...

aw. im really sorry to hear that :(
*hugs*

have fun celebrating yer dad's bertday. even though he may not be here, he will always be alive in your heart :)

gentle said...

@ scheez & anonymous

sigh. i really dunno. for elaboration refer to my answer to niel

@ niel - nope, ala pa ako nasusulat. i miss him definitely, but the numbness comes from the feeling that i havent done anything in the span of five years to make him proud.. sigh.

@ jamie - di naman bagay ang wrinkles kahit kanino no. hehehe.

@ herbs - thanks.

lucas said...

damn diabetes...hays...walang patawad...

he'll live on through you, gentle. :)

gravity said...

im sorry to hear about that. the pain will linger for most of your life. my dad died 17 yrs ago and it still hurts bad =(

labo ko, numb nga pala yung title

Dylan Dimaubusan said...

I'm sure, araw araw proud ang father mo sayo.. Don't feel numb, marami pang panahon.. ;)

--E said...

living each day the best way that you could is something that he could be proud of...

if you're thinking of something more, that will just be the cherry on top of what you already do...

spongeBAB said...

hey gentle kumusta na? i'm sure uncle would be very proud. i love it when you blog something about the family, its always fun seeing you on different family occasions, kung di mo man natatanong... me also proud ako sayo noh! pinsan ko yata to hehehe