motto ni kuya

from the demolished muni-muni ni diyentel:

pauwi na ko kanina galing sa trabaho nung maisipan kong dumaan sa wendys para kumain. pumila ako kasi may babae pa akong naabutang umuorder. di naman masyadong katagalan kasi mukha namang kumuha ng customer relations workshop si kuyang nagkakahero. "sir dito na po", ang sabi nya. pumwesto na ako na at akmang bubuka na ang bibig para sabihin ang order ko nung biglang nag-aparisyon si kuyang gusgusin at sumisingit ng order. salad daw. meron daw ba silang salad. napatingin ako sa pinanggalingan ng boses; ayoko mang maging mapanghusga e, gusgusin nga talaga si kuya. para bang kakagaling lang nya sa mahabang lakad, o kaya'y mahabang pagkakaupo sa isang sulok ng edsa. naaalikabukan, nauusukan, pinagpapawisan. nangangamoy si kuya. at parang may ilang buwan na syang di nagsuklay. kung may malapit man sa ligong nangyayari, malamang hanggang punas lang yon ng bimpo. quiet lang ako. pinagmamasdan ko kung may kaibang gagawin si kuya at anytime nakaready na akong tumakbo pero mukha namang nasa tamang pag-iisip pa sya..ala lang sa tamang amoy. hehe. si kuya kahero pinauna ulit akong magsalita. kinuha nya ang order ko at mabilis na pinindot sa kaha ang presyo. sabay abot ng bayad ko. tapos balik sa pagkausap kay kuyang gusgusin para ipaliwanag ang iba't-ibang klase ng salad na meron sila. may hawak-hawak na 100 peso bill si kuyang gusgusin. nakatupi yon sa pagitan ng nga daliri nya gaya ng paghawak ng mga konduktor sa bus. nung makuha ko na ang order ko, agad akong pumunta sa peyborit kong sulok para pagmasdan ang mga susunod pang pangyayari. mukhang nagdowngrade si kuyang gusgusin. nung magkatabi pa kasi kami nadinig kong sabi nya na "bigyan mo ko nung 97 [pesos]". mula sa pagkakaupo ko, nakita kong pumasok ng CR si kuyang gusgusin habang inayos naman ni kuya kahero ang order nito. apat na side salad ang nakita kong inaayos nya sa plastik habang pangiti ngiti at pailing-iling. parang hindi alam kung pano mag-rereak. "nasa yari ka ba ako at anytime mag-aalis ng prosthetics si michael v.?" pati si ateng pa-order pa lang e napapailing din at napapangiti kay kuya kahero na para bang gustong mangusap ang mga mata nila at sabihing we share something inexplicable. nung bumalik si kuyang gusgusin galing CR, balik professional ang asta ni kuyang kahero na para bang di nya ininda ang moment nilang dalawa ni ate kanina. pinagmasdan ko si kuyang gusgusin habang papalabas. madaming naglalaro sa isip ko habang paalis sya. san nya nakuha yung 100 pesos? kinita kaya niya iyon sa kung anumang pinagkukunan nya ng kabuhayan at for a change dahil magpapasko naman e naisipan nyang magwendy's side salad? ilan na kaya ang mapapakain ng apat na order na yon? may mga anak kaya si kuya? sabay kapa sa bulsa ko. hindi kaya akin yung 100 na yon at baka nahulog ko sa mrt habang pababa kanina? ayokong maging mapanghusga kayat pilit na hininto ang pag-iisip ng kung anu ano pa. basta na lang ang sabi ko sa sarili ko, malamang ang motto ni kuyang gusgusin e nakuha nya sa title ng pelikula ni pops fernandez dati.. gusto ko nang lumigaya.

si ateng eksenadora

from the demolished muni-muni ni diyentel:

nasa mall ako kaninang tanghali para humabol sa pagbili ng mga ipanreregalo sa mga pamangkin at inaanak. at dahil pitong araw na lang at pasko na, kandahirap at taranta na ako sa pamimili ng kung ano ba ang bagay na ibigay kanino at kung ano. haay. ayan kasi. bisi sa kakablag, di tuloy napansin na magagahol na sa oras sa paghahanda ng mga regalo. hehehe. ayan diyentel, magbabalot ka pa ha, alalahanin mo. sino bang damuho ang nakaisip ng gift giving tuwing pasko? kelangan ko tuloy indahin ang siksikan, walang tigil na ikutan, at siyempre ang pilang pagkahaba-haba kanina. pero dahilan sa lumaki naman akong sanay sa kakapila, ayan, kahit medyo naiinis na ako eh nakuha ko na lang aliwin ang sarili ko sa pamamagitan ng pag-iisip ng kung ano ba ang magandang iblag. adik talaga, no? :) tingnan mo nga naman, mag-iisip pa lang ako e heto na ang grasyang biglang nahulog sa harapan ko. este, tagiliran ko pala. hehehe. bisi-bisihan kong inaaliw ang sarili ko sa pag-iisip ng tapik nang me narinig na lang akong iritang-irita na boses ng isang ate sa bandang kaliwa ko. "ano ba, diba dito naman talaga tayo kanina, di ba? umalis lang naman tayo sandali". lumingon ako mula sa pagmomoment ko para makita sa kanyang kabuuan si ateng eksenadora. si ate, patwitams pa naman ang get ap. papasa pa naman sanang extra sa Maynila ni Lito Atienza; yung mga tipong kapal-kapalan ang meyk ap at false eyelashes na dinadaanan ng camera at nakikipaglambutsingan kuno sa isang restawran bago iclose-up kina yasmien kurdi at ranier castillo..na nagpapatwitams din, haha!! ang kalambutsingan ni ate, hayan, si kuya.. hiyang hiya sa pag-eeksena ni ateng kapal-kapalan ang mukha. este meyk ap pala.. este, pwede all of the above na lang? :) gusto ko magreak pero ayoko magmukhang tsip kaya dedma na lang, parang alang narinig. buti na lang matyaga at di magkandatuto sa pag-alo si kuya para lang tumigil sa pagngawa ang ate mo. andyang sabihin nya na "dun na lang tayo sa likod", "umalis naman tayo kanina, di ba?" o "nakakahiya sa mga nakapila". na sa lahat ng sinabi nya gusto kong magreak at sabihing "bow, kuya, ang galing mo!" kung tutuusin, tama naman talagang di ko na lang pinansin si ateng twitams kasi di ko naman talaga siya nakita sa pila kanina. she was nonexistent to begin with. ahehehe. atsaka, andami na rin kayang nakasunod sa akin... sang milya na. patigasan na lang to ng mukha. ahehe. jowk. helow, kung tama ba sya e bat si kuya ang unang-unang bumaliktad papunta sa side namen? ano, sige.. sagutin mo nga?! kung naiinip ka na gaya ng pagkainip ko kanina sa ilang take na din namang eksena ng ate at kuya mo, eh i-fastforward na natin sa aktong ako na ang magbabayad ke ateng kahera. ayon, walang kagana-ganang pinants ang amount sabay tanong kung "may sm advantage card po ba kayo?". sinagot ko sya ng "next taym", sabay ngiti ng ngiting gustong magdayalog ng "ano ba, bilisan mo nalang ate, i wanna get outa here!! " hehehe. palayo na ako pero naririnig ko pa din si ate. nakapila na sya sa likod pero tuloy pa din ang tsorba. ang tindi talaga.

unruffled

Ate left for the church to attend mass this afternoon. Its her birthday today, and like previous birthdays for as long as i can remember, she’s the type of person who takes days-off on these special days. Ako din naman. Who would want to work during one’s birthday anyway? Well, in our house, birthdays are synonymous to cookfests so i expect to be helping her out in a few minutes when she returns from picking up cj from school and buying potatoes for the salad.

she was doing the laundry this morning when the company VP called, passing on to her some bad news. One of her subordinates just handed his resignation letter today. The VP was known for his foul temper and even fouler mouth, and its not hidden from ate’s knowledge that people in the office cringe and duck for cover whenever VP Foulmouth is drunk and swerving along the office premises. This has always been the case even when tatay was still alive and working there, too.

This hasn’t been the first resignation this week. The first one to hand a resignation letter was also her subordinate, and she suspects that the VP is one of the (big) reasons for them to be looking for new jobs, aside from seeking advancement in monetary terms too. She told me in an irked fashion that it falls on her to find replacements for those two, and fast. The company isn’t that big to be having a formal Human Resource Department so it kinda fell on her as the head accountant to do these things that concern the work she’s doing.

A little later, Jake, the subject of the VP and ate’s phone conversation called to formalize his resignation. Ate handled it well, telling Jake to recommend people whom he might think would want to apply for the job; and to tell his new employer to give him at least a month to train whoever will be hired as his replacement. After the call i asked her if Jake or the VP knew it was her birthday. She said yes. It seems people do not really care for anything except their own worries.

I remember looking at an old poster hanging at her bedroom wall when i was still a kid. When we moved to our new home the poster got lost and was never seen again. It contains the poem Desiderata, and she quoted a line to me just moments ago, from what she suspects came from the poem: “nothing can ever disturb my peace”. Or something like that. And then she laughed. Declaring that today is her birthday, and she will continue an unruffled existence no matter what.

reformat

dear reader.. realizing (finally) that its cumbersome to maintain quite a handful of blogs... and at the gentle (and indirect) suggestion of a reader and fellow blogger (i just read between the lines), i have demolished my muni-muni ni diyentel blogsite and will be moving the contents here in due time.. the tagalog entries wont take up much space, and you can just choose to ignore 'em should you wish to go on with your preconceived notion of what green backseat is all about.

thank you for your continued patronage. ;)

On the nature of writing

Why do we write? Why does man struggle so much to have his thoughts written on paper? Or a question for and among bloggers, why do we blog? The incessant need to have even the mundane and the trivial documented, and take their place amongst the important developments in our lives. Some say we do it for posterity's sake; so that we'll be remembered long after our frail bodies crumbled to dust and maggots got the best of us; so that grandchildren or distant relatives into the future who would stumble upon these writings will either tremble in admiration of our writing abilities, our good deeds, our gentle thoughts; or dig us out of our graves and slap us hard in the face..er skull.. for being the bastards that we are, shamelessly parading ourselves before the scrutinizing eye of our readers. Some also say that we do it for the instant and overnight fame that being wired and connected can do, for some of us who are attention-hungry. I won't do the talk and tell you that it's solely because of the first reason that got me propelling myself deep into the dizzying blogosphere; after all, i've told you i'm a camwhore haven't i? I do it for both reasons. Hehehe.

A recent article that came out in the Sunday magazine of the Inquirer, some few Sundays back, looked into the blogging phenomena; interviewing a handful of bloggers who managed to command good followings of their blogs. It went on to explore how anonymity and privacy can be compromised by just a few taps on the keyboard...self-publishing has never been this attractive in recent years! It also looked into how the blog-addicted can lose out on precious hours lived outside the net, living normal lives—lunching out with friends, a stroll in the park with mom and dad, or even one's quiet time with his or her partner. We are so connected, living entire lives in cyberspace—wondering each waking moment what could be worth blogging about; that we write about these potential happenings even before living them. Tsk, tsk. Ideas could be fatal, you know. J

Speaking of ideas, i have this one (again) that got made into a poem (again, hehehe). It's about a queen who has a poodle for a lover. Her entire court, raving mad at her decision, ran after her; chasing her and her lover er.. poodle, to their gruesome death. Bestial, ain't it? Haha! J For the juicy details, click here.

That's all for now; remember to always keep those ideas in check! :)

gentle online

Last night before going to sleep i had it all planned. Upon waking up, I’m gonna get a bit of exercise to my system before plunging online. I even utilized the calendar program that goes with vista to plan my day. Cardio in the morning, followed by yoga, then followed by my laundry schedule—all before lunchtime. Guess what, its past lunchtime now and i still haven’t done anything ; anything in my work calendar, that is. What did i do? I tried downloading an anti-virus program for my desktop so that i can safely transfer pictures and music from it to gael without him getting infected early in his life. While waiting for the download to finish, i remembered an online rufus community where i was an active member some three years ago and guess what, i got itchy. Hehehe. I said hello to all; old members were keen enough to remember me and some of my exploits i (shamelessly) shared with them, while new ones were eager to greet me; before i knew it i was answering this and that topic posted in the different forums, hehehe. Talk about getting sentimental, huh. Well, the day hasn’t ended yet. I can still squeeze in some sweat inducing moves later tonight. But first, i have to run a full scan of my desktop and have the lurking viruses removed. I’m really looking forward to filling gael with my quite extensive music collection; and a picture collection that just packs the oomph in terms of shock quality hehehe. Some of the pictures i posted here were quite tame. Back in the days when we hopped from one tourist spot to another, here in the country, we—i mean myself, shattershards, eyvicat, the bulldog, and sometimes bleach—really took to heart the meaning of the word camwhore. Hehehe. Sigh, i just miss 2007. That was the year of traveling, for me. 2008 hasn’t been kind to me in terms of going to new places, also with other things in consideration. I just hope that when the year turns, i’ll be in a much better place, emotionally; for me to enjoy potential travel engagements and be the camwhore i know i always am. Hehehe. Ciao.

with special thanks to mr. lito villamarin for taking nice pictures of us while in ilocos last year. in photo - eyvicat, gentle, shattershards; and carabaos ningning and gingging. hehehe.

christmas day blues

All the physical exertions of yesterday—waking up early from an up-til-dawn drinking session with mar, so i could deliver gifts to the grandchildren (its a complicated matter, really—older nephews and nieces marrying early make gentle, grampa gentle) living in the other side of the metro ; then later running to a bus station brimming with passengers with a singular intent that day—to be home to his or her respective province in time for the Christmas celebration—made me feel like a walking, breathing zombie; not really quite sure where he is waking at and who he’s waking to. Hehehe. I arrived yesterday just in time for the dinner preparations which, in our household takes up a good part of the evening starting from six o’clock way until eleven o’clock in the evening. So much to cook, so little time!! Earlier, upon arriving in town though, i had to squeeze in a bit of shopping for people i forgot to include in my list and which will turn up nonetheless; i also managed to buy a prepaid internet kit for gael so i could be online whenever there’s a signal available to be had. I asked ms. lady receptionist if my location in manila will pose no problem should i choose to avail of their product; and to which she answered, ”every corner in the metro is covered”. Good enough for me, i said to myself. Knowing that our barrio usually gets a strong signal from the network, i had no doubt that surfing the net would be a breeze. Well turns out i’m in for the surprise of my life! The signals came in drip-drops, trickling slowly like the first spring rain. It’s not that i can’t access the net but there’s a window when i should do all my online chores before everything grinds to a halt. Hehehe. The culprit? A rival network recently built a communications tower on the other side of the river, but just the same, still in our barrio; and that made my online life a living hell, hehehe. So i really don’t expect that i can post this tonight—the signals mostly get jammed up at night, so like avon’s latest tagline, i should be saying “hello tomorrow!” hehehe. So, how did i spend my Christmas? Nothing spectacular, really. I just stayed at home for most part of the day finishing a poem i started writing some two nights back, when i was still in manila. It’s a piece i came up with, exploring the nuances of seduction, hehehe. I had the idea some days ago of juxtaposing images of angels vis a vis what happens when two people meet for the first time...stares and hellos exchanged. I really had no clear idea where my poem is headed, just a vague outline suggested by those images i mentioned. In the course of writing it, it sort of acquired its own character, unlike anything i’ve written so far. i really don’t know what to make of it, so instead of blabbering out gibberish, i’ll just link you to the poem here and let you decide for yourselves. Ate, kuya and kids had to go to Pampanga to pay respects to his mom so it’s just nanay and me bonding in between my writing breaks—which is just like saying going through the fire in terms of having one’s sanity tested to the limits, hehehe. Nanay could really test your will and calm as she could be quite the kid in terms of the “kulit” factor. Hehehe. I think that one comes with age. She had me at the tender age of 42 which explains why we are like cats and dogs, battling it over such simple things as my schedule with doing the laundry; or taking the latest development for example, she wants to know what time will i be changing the curtains tomorrow. Knowing her, if i don’t do it exactly on the time i said i’ll be doing it, she’ll be terribly, terribly bothered and will keep on harassing me til i do it. Sigh. A big, big sigh. We’re only at peace when we are eating. So we ate to our heart’s content and retired early for the night to the other house across the street (the one broken into by unknown men in the blog entry “the curious case of the broken lock”), where i’ll still be praying hard for signals.

its a boy! ;)

sigh. its been what, 2 days and approximately 12 hours? and i'm still in a cloud. in a bed of soft, fluffy, dreamy clouds; dreaming still of my latest technological purchase--the laptop of my dreams! :) (hehehe, i must be really dreamy, so dreamy to not have noticed that i kept on using "dream" in varying functions in my last sentence... as verb, adjective...etc, haha!!)

at the beginning of this month, i wrote my wishlist for this christmas season. topping my list was a compaq laptop, ending my entry on a note of uncertainty as to whether i can or cannot buy that much coveted shiny thing that kept on dancing in my mind's eye like rudolph the red-nosed reindeer on drugs. weeks passed, and an officemate who happened to know of my plan of buying a "writer's tool"--our little pet name for "laptop"--asked me whether i'm gonna push through or not with my plan. all i could manage in reply was a sigh of uncertainty, as all of us at work are really hoping for a good news to come from the powers-that-be in our office; that this season will really be a merry one, not just in name and spirit, but also in terms of material endowments--primarily the little pieces of bank-issued printed paper we affectionately call cash, hehehe.

party time came, and Big Boss issued the customary christmas message, warning us at the beginning of his speech of his "terribly bad" bad news. so terrible it is, according to him, that he had to wait for the other big bosses to pop out and join him in announcing the bad news. seems this new big boss have the penchant for the theatrical, i said to myself. weeks before that fateful speech, there have been rumors circulating that things were being worked out by our union president with the management to augment the measly salary we're receiving by a grant of a spectacular christmas bonus. as an employee already used to the nature of office gossip, i never really banked on receiving the rumored amount, not until i have incriminating proof that indeed, said rumors are true... well, it couldn't ring more true than this--straight from the horse's mouth, as it was announced in front of a crowd, mouths singularly gaping in anticipation and excitement hehehe. wham!! it hit me like a cold water slammed to the face. hehehe. HEHEHEHE.

then came the raffle draws. two of the major prizes that were raffled off were hp laptops costing around 40k each. just imagine me, gentle and calm on the outside, but seething on the inside as the winners were announced. i would be a hypocrite to not expect my name would be miraculously called from that list of around 500 people.. so yes, i did expect. i lost to a drunkard who cannot even stand on his feet and had to be dragged by his officemates to the stage to claim his laptop. well, i said to myself, at least the bonus plus a bit of cash coming from my savings will do enough to cover for a decent-looking laptop, once i get to invade the malls.

i held onto that thought as the night progressed; geneva cruz, whose vavavoom presence made heads turn 360 degrees, did an impromptu performance it seems, as she didn't have enough songs stashed in her repertoire to quench the crowd thirsting for a performance fitting royalty. hehehe. jeffrey hidalgo also graced our party, and so did kris lawrence, doing one song number each. jeffrey, aside from the solo number, also did a duet with geneva, singing the applauded "paraiso".

two days after the party, i stormed the malls, searching high and low for my dream laptop. the image of compaq immediately turned to dust when i laid my eyes on this baby--an acer, in full shining glory. so shiny that i dare not remove the protective film on its cover/ lid for fear that my baby "gael" get scratches all over. hehehe. yes. i call this shiny thing "gael" on eyvicat's suggestion that i name my laptop. it seems the trend nowadays, naming things you own with people names. eyvicat have his "diego", the dell laptop; while mr. chowking affectionately calls his car that we used going to caleruega with the rest of the crazee bunch, "priscilla". hehehe.

gael, in his infancy stage hasn't really churned out anything yet that his daddy can be proud of. there are still lotsa things to be done, like setting up the programs, connections, etc. nevertheless, like any proud papa, i've high hopes for this baby. go, gael show papa gentle your moves, baby... i'm waiting!

the photoshoot

tamed and decent pics to accompany the caleruega's crazee bunch entry

at caleruega's hangin' bridge

lunch at eyvicat's house

glamour at the steps

in remembrance

my sheets burst in flames
as we crackled like firecrackers
lighting up the gloom

in the silence of our cooling bodies
i planted a delicate kiss
on your nape, eyes closed

uttering a silent prayer
for each sweat-soaked thread
tasting all things stale and bitter-sweet

now in cinders

angst, rufus, and the college kid

dorm nights back in college were emotion-laden ones. if you were my room mate then, you'd probably have accustomed yourself.. er familiarized.. nope scratch that--mastered songs by jewel, sarah mc lachlan, tori amos, and fiona apple. call 'em my four muses of inspiration. but when i entered my angst phase, rufus wainwright took center stage; driving the other four to back-up-vocals status. this obsessession that started in college took me to scouring the net not just for songs appearing in studio-produced albums, but all the more for those hard-to-find b-sides and rare recordings. over time, the obsession slowly turned into something more clinical in nature; as my mp3 collection grew, came the flood of wallpapers, pictures and recorded interviews, too. hehehe. needless to say, this fan boy stage had me on prolonged emo status! the period extending up to the time when i was workin already, finds my ear plugged to my mp3s--traveling in trains or in buses bound for the countryside--mouthing rufus lyrics, eyes close to tears! wainright's brand of music, though largely tin pan alleyesque with orchestra/big band projections toward his later album outings, is on the core, a big treatise on heartbreak and loneliness. cue in smoke-filled jazz room scenes of the 30s and 4os. welcome to my world! hehehe.

well that world is long gone now; years, indeed have ways of changing a person--for the good or the worse, well, only time will tell. suffice it to say that gentle outgrew rufus, and with that, heartbreak and loneliness. :) but memories (and music long forgotten) have ways of reestablishing themselves, i guess. i remember making that cd filled with rufus mp3s about three years ago, and giving it to someone--symbolic of the fact that i was then ready to let go of all the pain and the hurt. retiring for the night after a very long day, i heard it play. softly at first, then slowly building up to that characteristic swell of rufus emotions. he was singing "the money song". funny. how things sound differently now. where rufus sounded skeptical and questioning then, as with the line "my love... if your heart was made of gold, would i pluck it out and melt it down; be an american and weld the crown?", it just made perfect sense to me now that the character in this song is taking affirmative action to keep his beloved for good. hehehe. call it paradigm shift. or delusion. whatever. all i can say is, when rufus uttered the line "and you will believe in love" on the next track (april fools), i couldn't help but smile and go for pen and paper, to write a poem to cap the night. :)

image link : http://www.starpulse.com/Music/Wainwright,_Rufus/gallery/Rufus-Wainwright-u13/

caleruega's crazee bunch

saturday was a day for meeting old and new friends.

i really had a blast seeing mr. chowking again, after that sarongbanggi night i had with him and eyvicat some years ago. he's now sporting a much slimmer physique and the same vavavoom image that is such a joy to behold, haha!! of course there were the new ones--not really new ones as eyvicat had truckloads of pictures to show me even before meeting them, so its like saying the meet up was just a sort of validation of who owns which face and which voice (as some of them i've spoken with, over the phone before).

there's the fascinating blogagotchi girl who easily switches accents, it seems, at the push of an imaginary button. hehehe. oh, and she writes poems, too! (double the fascination!) then there's mother zephyr who's just as fabulous as mr. chowking. we immediately hit it off, realizing we had the same teacher in spanish, and well, edel garcellano, too. the road trip we took was a blast; never running out of things to talk (and to laugh) about, even though purple E slept most of the time (she came from the graveyard shift, so we didnt take it against her, much. hehehe. kiddin.); but she was back in her undazed and unconfused self once the caleruega photo shoot commenced, and that deserves another entry with pictures taking centerstage. meeting naj, the last one i've spoken with, in the group, immediately reconnected me to my sob days in masscom. but she was a real nice lady; all pain went poof like a smoke, as we hit it off (decent images, please) on mr. chowking's car on the way to caleruega.

Caleruega really spelled out my weekend. i never really thought of it as a wow place before, having had glimpses of the quaint chapel-retreat cum forest reserve and ecopark on the outskirts of tagaytay, only from previous eyvicat pictures i've seen. seeing the place alive and kicking with its varied flora and fauna, and its showstopping hanging bridge firsthand, is an experience unto itself; one which will assault a first time visitor on all levels. and i mean, levels because its literally a hike, getting to the place; but i can say i was pleasantly assaulted. so assault me some more, please!!

much as i'm assuming that you, dear reader is enjoying this little write-up, i regret to cut short this post as i have pressing things to attend to. like choosing my outfit. :) will be meeting up with the crazee bunch again for a party-all-night thingie at the fort. so there... bye! hoping to regale you with interesting tales again, at the closing of the event. or, if no post follows immediately, just assume i had a blast and passed out on the dance floor. hehehe. :)

the curious case of the broken lock

yesterday i received a call from my sis telling me that our house in the province was broken into / forced open by men who claim to be police operatives looking for a person on their wanted list. my mom, stricken with panic at the sight of these big hulking men, wasn't able to do anything but watch them force the lock; gaining entry to our house at around 4 in the afternoon and entering every room, looking for whatever it is they are looking for. just one hour after the incident, my sis and bro-in-law arrived after picking up the kids from school. knowing mom, she might still be trembling from the experience of it all as she recounted what happened to ate and kuya. good thing no harm came to her.

kuya has already replaced the broken lock when ate called me, tentative and calculating on how to break the news to me gently. as she was recounting the story, i can't help but have questions immediately running in my mind. were these people really with the police if so where is their search warrant? apparently they scared the wits out of my old mom that she wasnt able to demand to see their warrant--they just told her they have a warrant and proceeded forcing open the locked door. i don't really think a real policeman would do that. they could have just asked nicely; no need for such dramatic entrance if you ask me. the second thing to immediately pop into my head was to ask if anything valuable was taken by these men; to which ate replied that everything is still in order. so... could it be that they were telling the truth? that they were really police operatives? but the image of the broken lock in my head is still bothering me. they entered like crooks if you ask me. and who is this man they're looking for? one on their wanted list, they say.

over the years a small muslim settlement living on the outskirts of our subdivision slowly grew into quite an establishment, attracting fellow muslims who make a living either by selling pirated dvds, cellphones, or engaging in high-profit illegal drug trade. the settlement's image became so notorious that the mere mention of our subdivision to tricycle drivers is enough to get them scampering, looking for other passengers instead. i never really gave it much thought until this incident happened though, as i never really go out of the house whenever i go home to the province for the weekend. as ate was recounting some more details from the incident by sms, i remembered to ask her if they had it blottered already. she said yes, then i proceeded to ask what was the police's reaction--do they really have operatives working on the area the moment our house was broken into. no more text messages came in reply, just one saying ingat ako palagi.

another nerve-wracking thing, swimming in my noodle soup.


photo credit : http://www.howstuffworks.com/inside-lock.htm

marvel and tremble

coming home, i was expecting to be writing of graceful ballerinas moving in seamless unison and dissatisfied employees that either booed fellow employees in the service, or listened to boredom to a 10-page report read to them, and which did not really reflect what is in fact happening; but nope i'm doing the opposite and scratching the idea, deciding instead to write about what i know i shouldn't be writing about. my skin tells me that writing about this can spell disaster but i just have to let it out: stop power-triping you egocentric fuck! you think you can live forever, well i've got good news for you. you wont. long after you've done packing that last suitcase i will still be here, glorious for everyone to marvel at. live with that and tremble. whew. all done. now if y'all just hush now. :)

eych.

They say that if you’re in love, age doesn’t matter; moreso if you’re a kapampangan, i bet H doesn’t matter, too. Hehehe. Was taking breakfast this morning when I heard somebody in the cafeteria say that line in a style that will put stand-up comedians to shame. I almost bowled over laughing, but just kept to myself, really trying hard to repress a guffaw. Corny ko no?

If one eats vegetables exclusively for his or her diet, that person is called a vegetarian, right? What do you call then people relying on meat solely for their dietary requirements? Hehehe.. why, meatitarians, of course!!

Speaking of meaty, (“malaman” in the vernacular) manny pacquiao won his match yesterday with oscar dela hoya. Didn’t watch ‘em slug it out as I am particularly averse to violence (hence the name “gentle”) but just the same i’ve managed to update myself (willing or unwilling) as everywhere I went “pacman” was the toast of news updates aired on radio and television; not to mention the snippets of conversations I’ve manage to hear, passing by people in animated discussion. In the course of one of my catwalks, I’ve heard that manny thanked all the politicians present and who supported him in his latest bout with dela hoya; and to which (this I gotta verify, or if you wanna correct me through comments, go!) the host/ interviewee remarked something like “wow, you’re also an upcoming politician, manny.” Sigh. Is this a sign of things to come? Please oh please, no!! Just shine in what you’re good at, boy! Ok, host shows with chris tiu but stay there!

Well, speaking of politicians, I can’t help but marvel at the fact that really, it is a science. I mean, marketing yourself to as big a crowd your machinery can handle is no easy task. It entails lots of careful study on how to build an image that will really stand come election time, and oh my, how she excels! Listening to her parry and throw incisive questions (ala pacman punches) scrutinizing this and that.. I must say she is turning out to be the complete package. Amidst the blaring speakers as I tap tap tap.. I must say the media work done is a superb one! Haynaku.

Meanwhile in Gotham... another out of this world errand came up, as I was resuming this little hobby. My oh my, gentle, are you ready for another reunion? Knowing that the beat is covered, I expect to say yet another little onscreen "hello" in just a span of 1 week, to my first family in kamuning, haha! Well, an upcoming reunion entails a bit of relaxing and unwinding so I’ll look fresh for tomorrow’s exertions. A night at the spa seems to be a logical choice but I just can’t spend and spend as a lapie-toppie is of utmost priority. Hence I’ll just have to take a raincheck with a spa buddy who’s itching for a massage. Been texting me last Sunday but I had mixed feelings on saying yes; look at what my instincts confirmed.

Well, as the line from laura esquivel’s “like water for chocolate” goes: to the table or to the bed, you must come when you are bid. Bow!!

the palace mole files

Dear gentle reader,

This is to inform you that Gentle, Master of the House of Enchantment and Eternal Bliss is currently contemplating of changing his “Hello Reader, I am Gentle” introduction.

It is in the light of recent developments in his writing life that had him taking the poet’s path, that little service road branching out from Prose Avenue and not usually taken because it’s dusty, meandering, haunted, and well, quite forgotten.

The aforementioned idea dawned on the master whilst performing his favorite Sunday morning activities that include raking dried leaves off the palace grounds, tending to the dogs, and dusting off cobwebs from the various art installations located in the main hall. These activities are so calming to his troubled mind that he actually had the time to realize that what transpired in his writings last night (poetry, poetry, poetry galore), might actually be a sign for him to consult his stars.

What the stars revealed—a matter that is hush-hush and strictly confidential—had the grand vizier deem talks containing such, as strictly prohibited, even more so in whispers. But being the nosy chambermaid that I am, I feel deeply honored to reveal to you, gentle reader, that the master plans to replace the existing lengthy introduction to just three words : “wordsmith in training”, or so my research tells me.

Please be advised though, that this is not an official statement issued by the palace; and that whosoever with authority (i.e. the palace guards) that catches you spreading such delicate talk with complete carefree abandon, might and will, take the necessary actions to expunge you of the memory of ever possessing aforementioned classified information . Extreme caution then is strongly advised.

Yours in Gentle service,

Chambermaid K.

XXX

the factory sessions

Oh dear guava

Oh dear guava
Round and green
Your skin is flecked
And your tummy’s pink

I stammer, I mumble
I stumble, I fumble
Your seeds-a-crackle
In my mouth, they sizzle

Yak yak yak
And you bite back
Oh dear guava,
Dear guava, dear!
_____________

Ugly sick pig

Ugly sick pig,
When will you squeak?
This mousy’s stiff scared
Of your size so big

You wriggled, you wiggled
Your snout for to bicker
I wrangled, I strangled
In this pen, so I’ve trembled

You dirty old bugger,
Think you’re so clever;
But this rat’s some weaver
So shudder and shiver
_________________

Harrow the sparrow

Drink me dry
Of woe and sorrow;
For I am tired
Of being a sparrow;

Singing so high
living so low--
harken to my plea,
straighten my arrow;

for it is crooked
and needing a marrow;
so drink me dry
harrow this sparrow.

delirium's embrace

this skin longs to bathe
in amber streams of sunlight
with you, darling tender rider;
to embrace you aglow
with warmth only the light
of day can bring.
oh how these feet crave
the softness of sand
on the beach we have trod on;
in those long walks we took
with the singing gulls
and the gentle breeze.
how long has it been,
since we danced
the dance of sweet whispers
in the prairie wind,
unguarded, unshackled?

i dare not count the days;

for they fade away, screaming
with the mud splattered
on these coffin-walls
that we tear and scratch,
tear and scratch
til our voices grow hoarse,
and our fingernails crumble
in this sea of shadows,
unyielding, confining--
they bleed our hearts dry
to shades of somber ochre,
the color of despair

in our entombed embrace
i weep and plead,
weep and plead; to any god
who’ll take heed--
for these eyes long to see yours
smiling and sparkling,
riding out of this long night
of coffins and dungeons,
and darkness devouring;
into that faraway land
of open sunlit fields
my delirious mind kept seeing

weep and plead,
weep and plead; to any god
who’ll take heed

as these hands long to hold yours
free of tethers and manacles--
just us, riding side by side;
across the blue of the horizon
and the green of the grass;
the soft spray of the sea
and gentle cooing of the wind.
just us--
stripping free of our skins,
running free in our spirits;
free to float and to giggle
with the motes unseen;
and to bathe, at last
in glorious golden sunshine--

in the glorious light of our love,
in the glorious light of ourselves

christmas [material] wish list

Compaq Presario laptop
Nikon D40 camera
Play Station Portable
Ipod classic

Blame it on the fast paced lives we live nowadays; or the ideal “wired without the wire” lifestyle being peddled to us every waking hour – television commercials, magazine advertisements and feature articles, the internet, towering billboards we pass by aboard the MRT; or still maybe its just me, dreaming of all these gadgets to finally say that I’ve arrived--I’m here, I conquered the world. [cue in madonna’s material girl, hehehe].

Last Saturday, I was at the local mall in the province (SM City Rosales is way too far) looking for laptop models to which I could temporarily latch on my technological yearnings, at least until that very much anticipated and talked about Christmas bonus arrives; the thing that would decide all things being pondered upon. Of course getting a laptop tops my tech list, as what is a blogger without a laptop? You may answer, still a blogger, you moron. Hehehe. Yes, yes but the laptop puts an oomph to what is already an attractive lifestyle we are living—those of paid slaves by day, fabulous bloggers by night. Marvelous, marvelous! So I went to this shop to check out the models available. The first two display shelves contain pricey (to my standards, that is), never-heard-of brands that put premium on specs. Good buy, but not to the brand conscious me hehehe—blame it to tatay, God bless his soul, who always put a premium on brand names when buying appliances—that this kiddo looked far and wide, crossing countless shelves until finally arriving to brand name heaven. Behold, the shelves containing top names in the mobile computing industry : Dell, Hewlett Packard, Compaq, Acer etc. Looking at these babies, I can’t help but marvel at the gloss and the finish; all the hard work that went into the hardware; everything looked nicely put from where I was standing, unlike with the fragile, drop-me-and-I’ll-break aura of the never-heard-of brands I looked at earlier. Was in the middle of profuse salivating when I noticed the prices—they don’t seem that pricey at all. In fact the never-heard-of brands seemed more like the branded ones judging the set from the price department’s perspective. Whoa! After intense thinking it occurred to me that these branded models do not really pack a wallop in the features department; as they are really entry level products designed for basic computing and internet access; thus their seeming factory prices hehe. Well, great for me, as I really don’t intend on playing tomb raider on any of ‘em. Well, well, well. I left the shop still in a haze…

I am really not intent on getting for myself this Christmas all the four gadgets in my wish list (tho, how I wish) since my finances wouldn’t really let me hehehe. So they’re just there to inspire (and taunt, whichever way one wants to look at it, your call, hehehe) until the next Christmas arrives. Besides, I’ve to buy things for my ever growing bunch of god children, and loved ones too. and that is my first priority. Christmas is really for the kids and our loved ones; and my non-material wish list far outweighs the material ones I’ve listed. It might sound a little Ms. Congeniality-ish but yes, I do dream of world peace, among other things, that our lovely planet and its citizens could use a little of. Now, now, my cheeks are getting wet… this simply won’t do. Somebody hand me a Kleenex please?

gabby concepcion be damned!

My brain’s been in a state of mashed up existence lately; and much as I want to start in a coherent fashion, recounting the adventures of gentle in the days you did not experience him online, all I can offer you are one-liners, two at most, that do not really amount to any conclusive and/ or grand recounting of gentle tales that so far have been the trademark of this web log from its inception down to the last entry that you, gentle reader have devoured so far.

Perhaps its what others are calling “burnout”. I’ve been burning bright and clear as any shining beacon of light could, in this dimly lit, gloomy world—and by far that job has been carried out with panache for about 27 years and 6 months to this day; but for months now that light has been under a constant barrage of heavy downpour; much of the gentle you get here is already a roughed up gentle (the term 'roughed up gentle' first appeared in the hello commercials entry) trying to pass up as the still gentle gentle for old times sake. But lately the pressure of show business has been too much that even the simulated gentle persona slowly gives in to the dark side that i’ve tried so hard to resist [cue in darth vader’s theme here] ; more and more, my eyebags enlarge, seemingly acquiring bits and pieces of my brain meltdown because of heavy thinking; so forgive me, if i am not my usual self today as I dish out gentle servings of the week that was, in the life of gentle.

Monday - The new head of management spoke before us, assuring us that the status quo will be maintained, and yes, the Christmas bonus will remain intact, hehe. He then drew ten lucky winners of P5000 gift certificates afterward, in the gentle heat of the morning sun; did not leave the drawing of winners to one of his representatives unlike the previous head who’d immediately leave after addressing us. “This one’s got people skills, huh”, I thought to myself.

Tuesday - my past and present collide in this oh-so-delicious after-work awards night-cum-dinner thingie that I attended. It was sponsored by this group concerned with population and development; their publication arriving on a regular basis at the library, and which I religiously file in our filing boxes. Never in my wildest imaginings, have I ever thought that filing them in nice little green boxes would earn me ticket to eating chicken drizzled with brown sauce, with a teeny-weeny serving of brown rice on the side, at the Mandarin Oriental Suites in Gateway Mall at the Araneta Center in Cubao, hehe. former bosses from my practicum days, and old colleagues from my previous work were all there—proud awardees that they are (eherm, miron lang ako e)—providing a shining, shimmering background to an excruciating ordeal that I had to go through for nearly five hours. Glad I came out alive, hehehe. Well, enough of that night. I’ve said it would just be a one liner, haven’t i?

Wednesday – came late for work; officemates huddled close, all eager to get a feel of what the five hours felt like, hehehe. Now this is really a one liner!

Thursday – showed up at our medical clinic for the annual physical examination. Blood pressure is ok despite the LRT incident that had me running the 100 meter dash toward the bundy clock, hehehe. Showed my wrist to nurse and assured me its ok, then to the examining doctor (again) and assured me its ok, too. Feeling a bit like the girl from the o-k-k-k ubong 3K television commercial already, i shut my mouth and heaved a sigh of relief through the nose.

Friday – Went home to the province to attend to matters I’ve been putting on hold of late. Glad I made it on time, whew! Felt like a 100 meter dash again, really, as all roads led to SM City Rosales for its grand opening—traffic jam galore, Gabby Concepcion be damned! “Lakayen!”, [translation : Matanda na!] people I know who squeezed in to get a glimpse of KC’s dad remarked, somewhat disappointed at seeing crow’s feet in their matinee idol’s face. Later that night, I went with sis and mom to yet another relative’s wake; she died a day before my aunt tita’s interment. Sigh, so much death happening all at once.

Saturday – nothing happened much, except that I slept like a baby, hehehe. Now you might ask, is sleeping a bloggable thing? Well I think it is. You shouldn’t really be worrying about the bloggability of things here.. if I deem it blog-worthy, then the question of bloggableness is already resolved. Hehehe. Nosebleed ako. Ikaw? Hehehe.

Sunday – after putting off exercise in favor of blogging, I’ve manage to have the resolve of squeezing in my sun salutations and the full standing sequence of asanas before having an early dinner; early dinner so that we—mom, sis and i—could go again to the wake, much earlier than our performance last friday. Since sis would still be doing the dishes, I casually remarked, “great then, so I could still do a little blogging while waiting for you to finish”, to which mom replied “ay, kakakain mo lang ha”. Hehehe. Told mom not to fret too much; bloggin’ is not the same as joggin’—just sounds like. :) Sigh, generation gap nga naman no? Napangiti na lang kami ni ate, hehehe.

There, there. A week in the life of gentle.

note : gabby image originally appeared at http://www.celebritypeeps.com/gabby-concepcion-on-metro-him-magazine/