goodbye, 2009!

Four hours to go before midnight. I’m in my room, having just finished editing some pictures for upload at flickr, with Geloy playing by my desktop pc at the back. A little later, i expect Ate to be calling us down already so the yearly ritual of eating-til-you-drop could begin. But i still got some time. i haven’t been blogging as much as i ought to, as my previous “dear blog” entry would attest to. I don’t know if i could still sustain the same fervor, and gusto i had, writing down things in my mind, as i did at around this same season as last year. But whatever the case, i at least assure you dear reader, that the green backseat is still in operation and will still be the official home of gentle for years to come. As proof of that, i just finished working on my season four cum holiday banner—something that should have been done earlier, as i’m way well onto my fourth season; this being my fifth or sixth entry already.



The banner’s a bit different from its predecessors. Devoid of pomp and special effects, what you get is an in-your-face gentle; a gentle that is stripped down of layers and layers of adobe effects; the use of which, for some year now, has been espoused by yours truly—the self-professed prophet of adobe—extolling its virtues over raw, unedited, unprocessed images. Why the sudden change of preference? I don’t know. It must be that it comes with age. I know myself. Confident i could present myself to anyone and not afraid anymore of being seen for my flaws, i chose my latest picture without having to hide under blurs and color distortions. This is gentle the way he should be.

The picture’s part of my latest trip to Baguio with my cousin, Anno. This one’s at the ampitheater in front of the bell house, in Camp John Hay. The camp holds a lot of happy, dear memories i had as a child, with my family and the rest of my close-knit relatives. Now, my aunts are all indisposed, tending to their different illnesses, some of which i managed to blog about in my other entries. Being that Ate and her family went to Pampanga for the long Christmas holiday, and that i cannot take Nanay with me on a long bumpy bus ride, i managed to get Anno, the cousin closest to my age to tag along with me. this next one’s taken along the camp’s eco-trail, beside the wall-climbing facility and butterfly sanctuary.



Before going home to the province for the long break, i sortof managed to jot some things down on paper so i could just retype em the moment the urge to blog pops up. Work issues have been getting me down as of late, and there’s no refuge i could think of than good ole backseat. The paper’s still on my wallet, but on second thought, besides not up to the job of typing down what has already been written—i’m more comfortable in writing my thoughts as they come—i’m also not keen on picking on fresh wound. Madrama ba? Speaking of wound, my other wound, the physical one, is healing quite well already. Nakapaghugas na ako ng plato kanina, without the fear of over-twisting my wrist and stirring things underneath my still visible stitch line. Yes, contrary to others telling me that i could and should already be moving my wrist normally to answer to the daily chores of life, i’m still a bit apprehensive as to its effectiveness in handling the normal gentle routine—lifting weights and yoga, that is. But seeing that my waist’s growing more and more comfortably relaxed with the established gentle appetite, i therefore resolve that by the coming year i should put a little more effort into losing weight and shaping up. Part of aging gracefully is knowing how to take care of one’s body; something that i should be putting more effort to, as i haven’t been getting enough sleep because of another addiction that just developed—Plants vs. Zombies, that is, hehehe. Geloy, this is all your fault. But seriously, i need to develop a healthier sleep pattern too, next year.

so, sabi nga ng mga chikadora sa mga showbiz columns na binabasa ko sa opis pag turn ko nang magbantay sa monitoring desk (news articles are so boring) after na nilang mailatag ang latest showbiz chika for the day.. they always end their column with “so, there”.

So, there.

sa pilipinas, ginto ang snowflakes!

glorieta 4, makati city

merry christmas blog friends!!

insensitive

I was at the CR this morning when I overheard our office janitors havin a conversation about their thirteenth month pay.

Janitor 1 : O, dumating na daw yung 13th month natin?
Janitor 2 : Oo, kahapon lang.
Janitor 1 : Magkano?
Janitor 2 : 5 thousand pare
Janitor 1 : Ha? E di ba last year nag-8 thousand na tayo?
Janitor 2 : Dinig ko nga 4 thousand nga lang daw sana ang ibibigay ngayong taon.

I didn’t stay long enough to hear what Janitor 1 replied to his colleague. I went out knowing fully well that everyday, they are exposed to the employees talking how much “benefits” they are going to receive this Christmas from the big boss, or what additional cash benefits the employee union is still lobbying for the common good of the employees.

The office outsources its janitorial service to third party service providers, so the janitors do not enjoy the same monetary outpouring as the rest of the employees receive at Christmas. Its just saddening to think that these are the most overworked people around, doing numerous other things at the beck and call of most employees, other than cleaning the office premises, and they get a meager bonus for Christmas. We (I’m not excusing myself from this) remain day-in, day-out insensitive as to even remind ourselves to hush up a bit in their presence when the topic of conversation veers towards christmas bonus. Ampangit tingnan, di ba?

Sigh, office culture has crept into my veins.

ang drama ko naman talaga o, kainis. haha!

Dear Blog,

I know I haven’t been writing on you quite as much as I would want to. These past few days, I have been really itching to report to you what has been keeping me busy, happy—taking much of my time to the point that I’ve no energy left at the end of the day, to compose my thoughts and be with you even for just a few minutes—but I know you’re just there, constant in your undying affection for me, your inconstant, ungrateful friend. One year is no easy feat in the blogging world, and we’ve manage to hold onto each other through the grueling twelve months, sharing the highs and lows of everyday living; and it is this recent unnatural new high that has caused me to write this one, knowing that you would be jealous no doubt of my new-found friend. But don’t be. You will always have a special place here in my heart. It’s just that my creativity is now spilling onto other forms and other media, here on the internet. I recently fell in love with photography. And having been consistently reporting to you until about a month ago, I have no doubt that you already saw this one coming. Yes, havin a DSLR camera paved the way for me to have another avenue with which to pour my heart. Suddenly, my poetry and short fiction which I have so prided myself to having created, nurtured and kept alive for the last twelve months or so, had to take a backseat (maybe this is what the “green backseat” title is for—did I have foresight in coming up with a title for you; knowing that someday this would happen… the backseat taking a backseat? Hehehe). well, I know this is just temporary. As with other things that went before, when I finally have my fill, it will eventually go back to normal, with me taking alternately and in moderation all the wonderful things that make my world go round. But for now allow me to share to you this one. And please don’t get jelous.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ojcruz/

Love,
Gentle

si nanay at ang mga panget na tuta

Dadalawa na lang yung tuta namin out of the three that i wrote of, in my home alone entry last October. Yung pinakakyut sa kanila na gustong gusto ni nanay, dinampot ng mga hinayupak na kapit bahay namin some days ago. Marunong na kasi silang lumabas ng gate. Last ko syang nakita on the first night after my operation, nung kakarating lang namin ni ate from Manila. Pinansin ko pa nga, kasi last week lang eh behave pa sila. Kahit bukas pa yung gate, di sila lumalabas. and then yun nga, nung papalipat na kami sa kabilang bahay for the night biglang sumunod silang tatlo with the two grown dogs at lumabas ng kalsada. Ala namang gaanong nag-effort na papasukin sila kasi nga maliliit pa lang sila at nakakalusot pa sa siwang ng gate kaya kayang-kaya nilang bumalik after ng gala nila. Pero hayun, the next day ala na sya. Bumalik yung dalawang panget na tuta except sya. Problemado tuloy si nanay. She’s thinking baka yung isang taga neighborhood na palaging bumabati sa aso at nag-oofer pa kay nanay na bilhin na lang, na sya ang salarin. Syempre ang nanay ko sisimple-simple lang yan pero may natatagong taray din kaya’t nakarinig na lang si Anita (ang mahaderang neighbour) ng “they’re not for sale” in ilokano. Hehehe. that day, palagi nya yung binabanggit. Syempre, palagi mo ba namang kasama sa bahay tapos bigla-bigla na lang mawawala. Nakita ko pa ngang nakadungaw sa terrace si nanay at medyo nakatulala. I thought it couldn’t be the pup entirely. Matanda na si nanay. Mabagal nang maglakad at medyo bent na ang likod. Most of the time, pag wala kami dahil may kanya-kanyang pasok (even CJ, na may speech therapy sessions in the afternoon), she’s left with the dogs and her afternoon telenovelas. so just imagine it for her, the loss. Kinakausap-kausap pa nga nya yung mga yun. And yes, i couldn’t help thinking that it might be other concerns too, relating sa pagtanda. Haay. Ayokong maging emotional dito. Medyo malakas pa naman si nanay. Sya pa nga ang gumising sa akin at nag-asikaso ng almusal ko when i left for manila to see my doctor yesterday. i just dread to see the day na bigla syang manghihina. Parang di ko kakayanin.

season four pilot | episode one : chubby fingers

It’s been five days since my surgery at the Makati med. My left hand and fingers are back to their normal size once again. Finally i can type this one, which has been germinating in my mind and accumulating in details ever since the anaesthesiologist woke me up at the operating room, without so much as wincing in pain whenever i try doing it in my normal pace. When i say the word bloat, can you picture my right hand with its bony fingers placed side by side with my left, which has never been anything but chubby and bursting with mysterious fluids during the first three days post-operation? If you can, well and good, coz that’s not the end to it. Picture my bloated left hand’s knuckles slowly turning purple; the purplish hue seeming to crawl up, toward my fingertips. And if you have an overactive imagination like the one i have, you might probably be thinking the same thing i’ve been thinking, prior to the follow-up consultation i had with my doctor yesterday, wherein he vanquished all those negative thoughts down the drain, to the last savory drop—that no, i’m not dying; that if the purplish hue reaches my fingertips my fingers will not start falling off like wilted leaves from the main stem, leaving me with a super productive stump for a hand—i just need to flex my fingers so that blood will circulate healthily through them, and that’s what i’ve been doing. This entry is exercise for my fingers, hehehe.

Going back to the moment i woke up—i’ve no words but thank yous, to the medical staff who assisted in the operation; to Casle, my nurse who saw to my needs during the operation, to the motherly anaesthesiologist who never left my side way until i’m out of that super deep sleep—if you ask me now, that was one freaky, creepy sleep. It felt good. I was havin good dreams. It wasn’t a flat sleep with no dreams but a busy one (though i couldn’t remember any of the details anymore), but its also something i don’t have control over. It could have gone on forever, with me rolling from one dream to the next, and never waking up at all. And so just imagine the relief slowly creeping up my being when i did wake up, realizing where i was, with my left hand and wrist bandaged neatly on my side.

I’ve so much to be thankful for! My friends and relatives who kept me strong with their text messages. I kept reading a long list of you-can-do-it messages days before the actual procedure just to have the proper mindset, hehehe. Thanks to the bulldog, shattershards, eyvicat, scheez, geek, grems, ryan, ada, and mar for those encouraging text messages. To my online blogmate-well wishers, i appreciate the comments you’ve been leaving on the various entries i wrote relating to the dreaded surgical operation. Special thank you goes to my cousin Melvin, who tended to the wound because i’m too scared to even remove the bandage and look at it. I got four stitches, hehehe! It really pays to have a nurse for a cousin, huh. And yes, the last one goes to my family who supported me throughout all of this, with Ate even taking a leave from her work to accompany me on the day of my surgery.

Love you all. Pag may nakalimutang banggitin sana huwag magtampo.