fuckin aneurysm

a very sad news struck home today. mourning veils my aura black. i still havent recovered from momoy's death, almost three years ago; and today, his mom suffered from the same traitor of a disease. she's in a state of comma, and respirator dependent as of the moment. my heart goes to dear gracie.

"..naka-duty sya sa ospital nung mangyari, around five o'clock. kagaya din nung nangyari kay momoy, biglaan din. ugat sa utak. tinapat na kami nung doctor.. ala na daw aasahan.."
--from a telephone conversation with ate malou


August 20, 2007

last week had been a week of terrible floods and endless rain here, in my little spot in the world called the philippines. somehow the overcast-nimbly (full of nimbus clouds? hehehehe) skies reflected the somber feelings i've also held. aug17 was the day that momoy died. he was in his teens when it happened, a year ago. he's my nephew, and was my roommate for the better part of two years. he had chinese eyes, and a cheerful disposition that is contagious like disease--only, the difference would be, is that you'd be very much happy you contracted it. :) no one had an inkling it would happen. everyone rationalized that he cant die. not this early. hes way too young. but it happened nonetheless, and all of us in the family still carry in our hearts that hurt that someone so young and so full of unrealized potentials should go like that. aneurysm, they say, was what did him in. a vein popped... snapped and boom... gone instantly. we found him in the toilet, lying unconsious like he just felt like sleeping while in the middle of taking a dump. imagine the horror when all of us were roused in the middle of the night to a scene like that. our beloved momoy lifeless in the toilet floor. part of me wants to give all the remaining details but a part of me also wants to forget it, or at least keep the hurt to a minimum by not writing about them anymore. on his first year death anniversary, we braved the strong rains and went to the the province to visit his final resting place. we held vigil there amidst flowers and balloons we brought, and tried to remember all the good things that have endeared him to us. to me, momoy is both child and adult--a complex nephew worthy to be in league with an equally complex uncle. hehehe. he loved food with such ferocity you cant possibly contest that he lives to eat, and not eats to live hahaha. joke, moy, wherever you are. :) that, i say, is the child in him; but on the far end of the spectrum of his attributes, is that he can carry on a completely adult, intelligent conversation like hes been doing it his entire life. momoy is a treasure trove of ideas, and we would carry on talking about almost anything til the wee hours... ahh.. i still miss him. the remaining days of the week rolled by with me feeling lethargic. i planned to carry out at least one type of exercise but to no avail--i was too down and out to move and pretend like everything's ok. i just spent time watching dvds at home, and cooking... and eating; the way momoy would spend his ideal weekend. :) good thing the sun is shining now as i'm writing this entry. a sign of moods lifting high? i hope so.


the baboy days

I started my weekend on a hopeful note; that because I have resolved to stay here in the metro, I’d probably, in most likelihood, find the time to exercise. Thursday night, it didn’t happen. The whole day of Friday, newp. Ah… Saturday, I’d exercise on Saturday. Wish again, gentle. I finally found the courage yesterday, though, against the alarming backdrop of an idea that I’d be this glorious butterball if no contingency measure is to be taken, come May 1—the day that volleybelles and friends are scheduled to raise up a storm on the shores of Bataan Beach for its annual summer gathering and grand photoshoot. The preconceived dance workout turned out to be a big jog-in-place activity, as the initial jumping moves I practiced in one of the songs in my playlist turned out to be so jumpy—that I’ve decided to take it to a higher level, and jogged the remaining 50 minutes of the supposed “dance” workout hehehe. The early evening found me sweating to my essence as I practiced a full yoga session before winding down for the night. Hah! The things you do to look good for the camera. Hehehe.

the days I did not spend sweating, were spent eating (I’m still on rehab for gorging over a can of Lay’s, potato chips, Saturday night hehehe), lounging over a cup of coffee, chatting over the net, or watching anime episodes stored on gael’s hard drive.

i met with a former college dormmate, Mark Rabe, last Saturday at the Gateway mall in Cubao. In freshman year, we lived in the basement, along with other fifty or so boys who came from far-flung provinces in the country. He was my provincemate actually; living just a few towns from where I lived; oblivious of each other’s existence, up until I studied in the republic of diliman and met him just a few meters away from my room. What probably endeared him, as with the case of gremil, (whom I also met for a cup of coffee some weeks ago), glen and dawn, to mention a few comrades, hehehe, was that we were a bunch of oddballs who found comfort in the eccentricities of the other, as one tried to make sense of the new environment that was UP back then.

And so we chatted over burger king and dimsum and dumplings favorites at the foodcourt. And so we followed it up with coffee and tea at coffee bean and tea leaf, at the mall's groundfloor. Though he claims to have gained a few pounds (yes, he did, actually), and now goes with the title “atty.” before his name, he’s the same mark with the annoying british accent I know from before; nosebleed tuloy ako sa kaka-english, haha!

Meet-ups seemed to define my weekend, as aside from meeting up with mark, I also met with several people; in online meet-ups, that is. Shattershards, was actually surprised to see me ‘online’, as he was accustomed to my usual weekend schedule of going home to Pangasinan. Sa sobrang tuwa sa pagkakita nya sa ‘kin pinaulanan ako ng sandamakmak na Jason Mraz mp3s hehehe. we also talked a lot about the news of an avatar live action already in the works which got us both excited. I was also able to chat with the enigmatic Dylan Dimaubusan and boy wonder Herbs; both are blogging world sensations in their own right and i tremendously enjoyed seeing that they are as spontaneous as the feel of their write-ups when I’m reading them. They were both pleasantly surprised (I guess) with what they saw on cam hehehe. reactions range from “you don’t look twenty-seven, more like a college freshman; to something like “you have a kids body, judging from your arms and shoulders (ouch), hehehe.

I also found myself immersing on anime, when not chatting online or meeting for coffee. I am glad to put into writing that I was finally able to finish the last three episodes of Baccano; I was also able to move on with the Cowboy Bebop episodes that were somewhat stalled when I got busy with exercise and writing during the preceeding weekends. I guess you can’t actually do them all, huh?

In any case, I’ve resolved to run later this evening around Mandaluyong City Circle to make up for my baboy days hehehe. Wish me luck.


at sundown shadows conspire to give me

that, or photoshop. hehehe.


sobrang cheesy talaga!

I dunno what got into me but i suddenly had this thing going with commercials. This weekend saw my senses sharpened so suddenly to the production values, script and theatrics of the commercials dominating the local television scene these days. Maybe it was my prolonged exposure to the television screen inside the bus, last Friday, when we spent almost the whole day on the road, on account of going to Cavite for Tiya Gunding’s wake and going straight home to Pangasinan after. In all the buses we rode that day, there it was, the television, airing some show; i have never been a sucker for local TV so you’ll just see me giving a ho-hum to all these, no matter how extravagant, cheap, creative or trifling the attempts to replicating foreign game shows, soaps, or series in existence today. I’m not gonna make this entry a hate campaign against local TV, baka idis-own ako ni Ize Water pag nabasa nya to hehehe. all i’ve been saying was i didn’t pay attention to the shows airing all those time that i sat with a sore butt on the bus. My point of entertainment? The commercials interspersed in between gaps. Hehehe.

Blame it on my decision of not buying a television set for my Boni abode, or just electing to watch DVDs instead of making tele-babad all day when i’m at home in the province; for when the commercials started airing, i was so amused watching some of them—some for their sheer creativity; some for their humor/ comedic timing that is so in-tune with today’s sensibilities; and well, others for their sheer stupidity. Hehehe. well, here’s a rundown of the commercials that managed to get my attention and kept me entertained even up to now, just thinking of them :

1. vit water – its already a given that product endorsements flock to Manny Pacquiao. When you see him onscreen endorsing Alaxan and/ or his other numerous endorsements, you see a sportsman in action, you hear voice over sound byte spread over a few clips, and a final shot of him delivering a nod of approval for the product. Not with vitwater. For this commercial, you see Pacquiao getting intimate and smiling for the camera, gigglish, even, speaking directly to the consumer/ viewer in English. In English!! I dunno if it’s just me but it seemed he was also faking an accent, haha! And the “now you know” line was delivered in a very endearing manner as to put to shame Robin Padilla’s similar docu-interview styled commercial where he also spoke in English to “drive” his point. Pacman was just plain adorable in this commercial.

2. LBC – i found the scenario depicted very humorous: the delivery guy handing over to the boss a package which he quickly opened whilst walking, in time to see a subordinate sleeping on the job.. and what do you get? A batok style comedy using the content of the package delivered, reminiscent of dolphy movies. Hehehe. Ah, kaya pala makakarating agad, i said to myself. :)

3. liveraide –i find the whole scene ridiculous: Robin Padilla walking into a bar full of alcohol drinkers, and asks the bartender for what, a glass of water?? WTF?! Yes, the scene drives a point, that drinking is bad for the liver; but translate that to a real world scenario—ask a bar tender for water and lecture the room of the perils of drinking. I doubt if you’ll walk out unscathed of the fury you’re bound to stir. Mata mo lang ang walang latay.

4. cornettohanggang saan ang maaabot ng bente pesos mo? So far the commercial have two running versions –one in the barbershop and another one set in the fastfood / burger joint. I find the burger scene funnier. Hehehe. Imagine yourself ordering a hamburger only to be unwrapped in front of you and taken a bite at by the cashier/ service crew to the give you the exact size of the burger that corresponds to the amount you are willing to pay. The last shot showing the expression on the cashier’s face, still chewing your burger is just priceless. Haha!

5. Greenwich -the extreme cheese overload commercial starts with a romantic shot of John Lloyd and Bea boating by a lake ala somewhere in time. The scene cuts to John Lloyd’s close up where he says he wants to end their friendship cuz he wants to start loving her as his girlfriend. At this point another boat enters the scene full of John Lloyd’s barkada (which appeared in the previous Greenwich commercial) giggling “weeee!! Sobrang cheesy!” this is the complete panira moment to an otherwise romantic shot. Works very well, if you ask me, to introduce to the scene their “sobrang cheesy” line of pizzas. Hehehe.

dripping wet

Despite the the unforgiving sun and the scorching heat we experience all-day (hot hot hot), we are somehow given a taste of the coming rainy months by nightfall. Indeed, when i went home to the province last weekend, i was surprised to find the ground wet with rain. Sis volunteered the information that it has been raining there for almost a week now, almost every night--a welcome change to the smoldering hot nights that have been ravaging us in the land called the Philippines. when i arrived last night at my Boni abode, i was greeted with a heavy downpour that spelled c-o-o-l, even just for one night. Seems that rainy days are set to arrive in the coming weeks. well, its just an unofficial prediction from a gentle observer that need not be taken as a declaration of a pure, absolute and immutable truth.

In any case, i have exhumed from the vaults a blog entry i wrote that spelled a major disaster to my office uniform, that one fine day of August 07, 2007. Let this be a warning to all. heed this, and be saved. :)

after months of waiting for rain here it comes pouring. rainy season here in the philippines should have already started around june but its only last week that it came in full force. i write this entry after having braved the heavy downpour, waiting for public transport that came in trickles amidst a sea of people anxious to go to their work places ; powerless to stop the lashing winds staining their uniforms wet. to make my case worse, my trusty umbrella turned traitor on me as a hole so small as to go unseen all these months made itself known to me like an epiphany--in trickles the water came, soaking a good part of my uniform. i had to hold my umbrella then at an angle that would deflect the drippings away from me. ahh, such is life. after a decade or so of waiting, a bus arrived. against my will i was forced to take it lest i'd really be soaking wet. the ride took me to the train which would be more convenient in sunnier climes but given my predicament i would have been happier riding the F/X vehicles plying Quezon Ave-Quiapo but each and everyone of them passed me by... brimming with passengers. so i had to take the train. going to the station from where the bus dropped me is another hurdle--rain, rain, rain everywhere. happily the train ride is uneventful and is a welcome change from what has happened to me so far upon waking up this morning. running late, i decided to take a cab from the train station; a decision i'm not happy with, as all taxi cabs that passed me are already hired. every minute that ticked is a sad reminder that i could have been luckier had i taken the second option of taking two rides again--the first another train ride and the second, taking the orange-colored shuttles that ply vito cruz street dividing manila and pasay--taking me straight to my work. one easy taxi ride seemed tempting enough. that is until you realize that everyone had that option in mind. at this point the rain is still beating hard on me. with the streets flooded and water splashings here and there from vehicles that do not care to take a second look at pedestrians they terrorize, my shoes and socks became the sorry casualties. i arrived at work stepping finally down from the prize taxi with socks dripping wet. what a nice way to start your day, huh?


kill joy and other stories

Call me “kill joy”, but is it just me who finds it annoying that neighbors a few houses from ours are having a videoke session broadcasted over a loud speaker system; one that can easily figure in town fiestas, perya coronation nights, pa-liga—things that make up a common probinsyano’s mode of entertainment circa 1980s; what with its blaring subwoofers and that damn singer, whoever he is, who’s been trying too hard to fake an accent, that, at its best, would still fall in the “trying hard” category despite the “your a good singer” rating he keeps on getting from the recorded grading mechanism in the videoke. Not that i have anything about “promdi entertainment” as i call it; in fact i’ve been part of that kind of entertainment when i was still a kid growing up in this barrio. I’m just pissed that there is presently no occasion to warrant them holding a session like that—it isn’t Christmas, Halloween or Valentines to be singing at the top of their lungs at this hour, 9:30 in the evening, at the expense of your neighbor’s peace of mind. They were like this too, a week ago. When i inquired from my mom who these people were, she said it’s the tropa of one of the uhugin kids that play barefoot along the unpaved subdivision roads when we moved here in the mid 1990s. Fuck. So he’s playing it hip now, huh? And to gather your tropa each weekend, for an entertainment such as one that will require the full attention of your neighbors, that really takes a lot of balls. Fuckin lots. We’ll he’s not a son of a fuckin big-bellied policeman for nothing. i bet the fruit takes a lot after the tree.

Was at Robinson’s Place Pioneer last Thursday night. I ate dinner at KFC; decided that a two piece chicken meal was in order after having sweated it out, jogging my wits out in Baywalk with officemates during our office’s sports hour. (see related previous entry). After the hearty meal, i made my usual rounds at the tech outlets that abound in the mall. One of my stopovers was this hole-in-the wall shop called gadget house. What set them apart from the other tech shops is the low prices with which they sell their products. I inquired as to how much they sell a Nikon D60 and they pegged it at 34k. That’s a fuckin 10k difference from a shop selling a similar item not 20ft away. Across gadget house is an equally obscure corner called pick-a-book that sells second-hand books. Whadayaknow, they got a hardbound jewel kilcher poetry book a night without armor selling for P160. That’s a big bargain considering that it is hardbound. When it came out in the bookstores some five years ago, if i’m not mistaken, it sold for P700 or P800. Didn’t buy it though, i bought A.S. Byatt’s Possession which i found lying alongside Philip Roth and Jane Smiley titles. I read it immediately upon arriving at my place, stripping out of my clothes and going directly to the C.R. i dunno if it was the weather, or the book itself. I found myself sweating profusely in minutes. The language was romantic and will no doubt memerize, but it is not anne rice romantic—it’s something else; fuckin lot more verbose and a certified nosebleed material. After a while, minutes after lying down on my bed i fell asleep. Maybe its A.S. Byatt, or the earlier jog, i dunno. Let us see in the following days.

Yesterday, i was with my sis and my bro-in-law; we went to Cavite to attend the wake of an aunt there. Sis was open to the prospect of going to Tagaytay after, as our cousin mentioned that it’s just a P38 bus fare and one is already in Tagaytay. She didn’t insist on the idea though, as kuya might oppose; what with nanay and the kids left alone by themselves at the province well into the night, going there will surely eat up precious hours of travel. Going back to the bus terminal in the afternoon, Pangasinan bound, i took the reigns of the triumvirate and suggested we ride the MRT; it surely saved on precious hours potentially lost in traffic jam, have we decided to ride the local buses instead. It was Ate’s second time to ride the MRT, and the idea delighted her that we could go to Ambos Mundos by train should we decide to take an adventure in the metro by public transport. Hehehe, lakwatserang ate. : )

a refreshing way to burn

A mild fury was brewing in the waters of Manila Bay as we jogged the length of the Baywalk from CCP Complex going to the US Embassy last Thursday. Sea spray met with our cheeks, and on occasion, we had to watch our steps as occasional rivulets formed along our path, making what started out as "just one of the regular jogs", an extra challenge. The Baywalk that afternoon was still full of its regular customers though—fellow joggers who didn’t seem to mind receiving a splashing once in a while; photographers who, armed with their cameras, shoot at children playing with the statues; street vendors plying the route however timid the turnout of their sales maybe.

My officemates decided to stop upon reaching Pedro Gil, and just waited for me to finish my round; I was determined to reach the embassy this time—putrid stench of the sea air be damned! And I did. The first few jogs we had, I always felt cheated that we should turn around upon reaching Pedro Gil, knowing that I’ve more energy reserved to reach the US Embassy even. The run that afternoon proved my hunch, as I speeded up upon reaching my appointed marker and made a dash for the embassy, just a few meters away. It always feels good when you know you performed a bit better than your last performance.

The run back to the office felt sore though; the coarse opening of my left rubber shoe kept rubbing with my skin just above the heels; in time, that friction made a cut and a wound made its presence known by slowing me down. The slowing down was enough to make me appreciative of other sights previously ignored—news reporter Kara David already wrapping up a shoot of her spiels that will be interspersed throughout a segment, one that was probably finished days ago in the editing room; a graduating class from the University of Caloocan coming out of the Folk Arts Theatre after the ceremony was over—happy to have finished college, but apprehensive of what might be in store for them in the real world.

Passing by the throng coming out of the building, I couldn’t help but feel lucky that we didn’t have to rent a place during my time just to have a decent graduation ceremony. the place was there all year round. just a few trimmings were needed to transform it into someplace magical for an event such as a graduation ceremony. and yes, the garden does look great at around this time of the year. Realizing how big an "issue" it is turning out for me, considering that I graduated from college some seven years ago, I laughed it out and proceeded to jog on the way to the office.

It was only upon arriving at the office that one of my fellow joggers noticed the wound. I said I ignored it intentionally coz I didn’t see the point of making a big fuss out of it. We were in the middle of jogging and since it was pretty much bearable, I just trudged on. The show must go on, ba. Hehehe. haay. I wonder how much calories I was able to burn? Can’t wait for the next jog. :)


seeing the world from another angle

I still have to take an actual picture of me doing this pose; but yup, as you can see, the contortions allow one to see the world from a different angle; bottoms up. Haha!

Will be heading for manila today, after lunch; with that, i’m very glad to have squeezed in some yoga poses this morning, before plunging head long to battle it out again with the big world tomorrow; i doubt it if i’ll be having as many sessions as i want to have 'em, when the daily grind formally starts.

Well as you can see from the picture, the highlight of my personal practice is called the karnapidasana, or the ear pressure pose.

The idea, after having done all the preliminary poses, is that one should be limber enough to take on the final pose—well, at least for my practice—which will require one to be upside down, kneeling, with his head in-between both legs, so that the ears are “pressured” to produce a low humming sound that will actually give the impression that one is floating inside a womb, weightless.

It might be a hard pose to execute at first, but after a few sessions, you will actually realize that more than a stressful pose, its a relaxing one, actually. Plus, you get to have the added bonus of seeing some parts of your body you don’t get to see everyday, hehehe.

photo taken from - http://yoga.about.com/od/yogasequences/ss/inversions_7.htm



I must admit, there was a time that i was so smitten with Friendster; it was, during it’s time, the ultimate application in the web; your homepage where you can showcase your own personal style, and let your friends know you’re as hip as hip can be.

That was before the advent of Facebook (which i never really enjoyed using); now, everywhere i look, people are slowly migrating to mark zuckerberg’s creation. friend requests from people i know from way back—from friendster’s heydays—are flooding my facebook inbox. Even some of my officemates (the demographics of which, here in my job spells O-L-D; oh well, that declaration is made relative to my age, hehehe—everything's subjective, really) have decided to make the switch. Soon i’ll be forced to just burrow a hole in the ground under a tree, to shrivel and die a fabulous death away from all this growing madness.

Good thing i’ve stumbled upon the joys of blogging. Having the backseat all for myself afforded me freedom to do practically anything i want with this space given to me in the digital realm. I can post anything i want; have as many readers as i want; or as little (i can pick a few lucky ones who can read my blog, if i choose to, and make my blog “private” to the rest of the blogosphere); i can redecorate on a whim, when fancy strikes—put as many colors as i like to put, or use them sparingly. Blogging brought out gentle the writer, and i couldn’t have been any more happier with the result. Blogging put me face to face with my fears; i brought me closer to my aspirations.

I am here, i am now. I love what i made of the backseat, and what the backseat made of me. here’s to another hundred posts! (uhm, cento, as used in the title, is an italian word for 100)

(a note to the gentle reader: Friendster and Facebook remain to be tools for contacting me, as not everyone enjoys being listed in my phonebook; all i’m saying is that Friendster has lost its appeal to my inner teenager with the birth of the backseat and its subsidiary, naked scribbles.)


the march of the ants | header launching

Welcome to yet again another launching of yet again another green backseat header, haha! I took this picture two years ago using my Kodak c663 when it was still working. I was together with my cousins, exploring the “woods” at the back of my grandmother’s ancestral house when i suddenly had the urge to see how my digicam would fare with macrophotography; directing my lens to a group of marching ants at one of the mango trees felled by some past typhoon. I reckon that somehow, it (the tree) waited in vain for a bit of a nudge to make it stand upright again; i say in vain because it already took root in its current reclining position—very much like cate blanchett’s signature pose in Elizabeth, hehehe. so there it was, with the ants marching on its back—bathing, it seemed, in a glorious glow of the late afternoon sun. I felt so drawn to the entire scene unfolding, that i took successive pictures of the parade. This one stood out from the pack, and i kept it; never knowing that in one of my artistic fits i’m gona make use of it in time for the Lenten edition of the gentle blog. I chose a much simpler font and color this time for the blog title, to make the background picture take centerstage. Its growing on me right now that i doubt if its gonna stay only for the Lenten season. But knowing how unpredictable gentle is... oh well.

bago matulog

No exercise for five days now. Wow, gentle... kumilos ka naman please.

what i missed out on exercise tho, ibinawi ko naman with writing. Ewan ko ba, when i force myself to write about a specific topic, and by this, i’m referring to poyms, mas malamang sa hindi e mapupunta sya sa iba, sa kakaisip at kakabuild up ng ideas, may makikita akong mas magandang idea na di gaanong related with the first one, and this i end up pursuing instead.

Taglish ako ngayon kasi napagod din ako sa kaka-fix up ng sidebar content ko. Napansin ko kasi its been a while since i put in new content—palagi na lang kasi gentle hears, gentle eats, gentle reads; so i thought of adding new materials, like mga favorite entries kong nigawa since nagstart ako with backseat. I also thought up of adding the 25 gentle things post with my profile, cuz i think it helps me to get intimate with my readers na din. Of course, nagising ako feeling ready for a photoshoot so i turned on my webcam and started flashing my smile na din, haha! shempre blinur ko na din ng konti para mysterious pa din kuno.

Dalawa lang kami ni nanay ngayon, so tatabihan ko na syang matulog after ko mapost ito. Umuwi sina kuya at ate sa Pampanga with the kids for the holy week so its my time naman din para makasama nanay ko. Ayon, makulit pa din. At ow-si. Kanina nung lumipat na kami ng bahay e ilang beses nagpaikot-ikot sa baba, ikot-dito ikot-duon muna ang ginawa bago umakyat; looking for the switch ng ilaw sa likod. Nabuksan na ata lahat, ala pa ding umiilaw. E pundido pala. O e di solb na sana. Nakalahati ko na ang akyat (asa landing na ako, going to 2nd floor) nung tumawag na naman sya sa ibaba. Tinatanong kung napatay ko na daw ba yung ilaw sa garahe. So eto ako, paspas na bumaba para patayin nga. Oo na, nakalimutan ko nga. Sori, tao lang. :) Pag di kasi ako ang nagpatay, gudlak. Mabagal nang kumilos ang nanay ko. Malamang mas abutin pa kami ng syam-syam kung aantayin ko pa syang makarating dun. Pero ang memorya naman nya, matalas pa. She’s very good with details. Parang ako. Malamang yun ang namana ko sa kanya. Though that might be the case, selective na din ang memorya nya; may mga di na sya natatandaan, but what she does remember, dun nagfifit-in yung galing nya sa detalye.

No-meat diet kami kanina, well, except nung umaga. Humabol pa yung kormbip na matagal ko nang naiimagine kainin. Yun yung pinagsaluhan namin bago umalis sina ate. Then dalawa na lang kami for lunch and dinner. Ayun, pinagkwento ko ng pinagkwento. Dun sya naaaliw, reminiscing nung asa manila pa sila at bata pa si ate. Kinikwento nya kung pano napalo ng tatay si ate kasi ayaw kumain ng talong. Ilang ulit na nyang naikwento yun pero hinayaan ko na lang. Yun ang bonding time namin e.

Hay naku, so malamang postponed na naman ang yoga. Antok na din kasi ako e. Plinano ko pa, after this nga sana, pero bukas na lang. Mas kelangan ko ng tulog cuz i rarely get that pag asa manila ako. Tis the season to be resting. Goodnight blogspot!


sunday driving | tamang senti lang

I remember the lazy Sunday driving, with tatay at the wheel, going to Manaoag.
Going to the market, there, even when the market here in Urdaneta is much closer.
The reason—he’ll buy chico, and ripe mangoes; and along the way, whatever catches his fancy;
Come what may; hes a sucker for unplanned trips. The more freewheeling, the higher the “enjoy” factor.
Of course we’ll pray first; with tatay, its not about reciting a novena; its about making the effort.
With tatay too, its always short and sweet. After saying his prayers, off we go to further destinations:
To dagupan, to la union, wherever the road will take us--looking for crabs or fish to cook for lunch;
Of course we have to return home for lunch, or nanay, starts getting worried.
Along the way, i’ll daydream, with the trees, and the mountains, and the rice fields.

Tamang senti lang.

We went to manaoag this afternoon, with kuya driving; ate beside him, and the kids with me in the middle of the adventure. We prayed for a bit, strolled for a bit; before cj had his way to the food stalls at the back of the church, hehehe.

File photos of Manaoag and its premises from 2006.


just a thing you watch in julia roberts movies

Hindi lang pala highblood ang nasa lahi ninyo, kuna ni manang mo. Cancer din pala.”

This was what my mom told me yesterday, as i was alighting from the tricycle in front of our house in barrio camantiles, to formally start my week-long holy week vacation courtesy of my ever galante boss.

Indeed, more and more relatives are dying of different kinds of cancer, these past few years. and i thought, before the events did manifest themselves, that cancer is just a thing you watch in romantic movies starring Julia Roberts. My eldest aunt on my mom’s side succumbed to lung cancer two years ago; and she’s not even a smoker. Late last year, Aunt Obet died of a cancerous growth in her throat, something which has been bothering her for the longest time; it started out with a goiter.

I thought the family will be given a quite long break from all this cancer thing as we’ve suffered terribly from these two deaths; surely we’ve suffered enough—then this one came.

My aunt tuding has recently been diagnosed of having cancer. Prior to that, she has been complaining of her left eye involuntarily “shedding tears”. We all thought she had some kind of infection, and that it was her eye’s way of coping with it. Until she had herself examined to find out it wasn’t a simple infection. The family was ready to support her in her fight, but the doctor’s suggested battle plan/ treatment has taken her aback. it involved carving a hole in her face, to face the cancer eating her eye and potentially parts of her brain, head on. Hearing this from her as she was telling us of the doctor’s suggestion, me and my sis had to put on a brave front, that afternoon we visited her. She’s put out a brave front herself, not going hysterical and freakin’ out on things that have come her way so far. but she has already come to a decision. There will be no operation. She will face the great beyond with morphine on her side. The family respected that, and we strove to lead our lives like the shocking news never really got to our doorsteps; but it has.

Mom arrived just a few minutes ahead of me. together with her sisters including aunt tuding, she came from a wake of another relative who died of.. yes, cancer. When she told me this, there was no need explaining why she’s all sad and troubled.

bakit kaya nangyayari ito? Dati naman walang ganyan na sakit.”

“I wish i knew, nanay. I wish i knew”, was all i could bring myself to whisper to the wind.


derma chikadora

i meant to write this entry yesterday but i was so f*ckn disoriented, sleepy and poopy (hehehe) that i wasn’t able to do anything but lie in bed and gaze at the ceiling, and at the walls; and watch cowboy bebop with eyes droopy with sleep. Such were the effects of the antibiotics i took, which, along with lotion and cream i applied on various parts of my body, consisted of the medication that have been prescribed to me by the dermatologist our health care provider referred, on account of the rashes that appeared on my lower abs, armpits, left hand, right part of the neck and those spots that strategically popped out of my face, as to make me look like a Dalmatian with red spots. Oh, i also had pigsa din pala, which at first, i was so embarrassed to admit to her (the dermatologist) because it was very conveniently located at that part we affectionately call the singit (good thing i trimmed, hehehe).

so there i was, at the third floor corridor of the Makati Med, waiting for my turn. I was cursing myself for not bringing my shuffle , or gael for that matter, so i could pass the time with style and not look like an idiot looking at every patient in wheelchair or stretcher; every nurse or med rep; or those yayas running after their wards like they are in a Sunday theme park. In my corner, i’ve seen a number of moms taking their daughters to see the derma. I suspect it was early pimple outbreak prevention that made them act that way—like rabid talent managers eager to protect their potential investments in showbiz; malay mo nga naman. Even one dad accompanied his teenaged son for the same reason; as i overheard in the father and son conversation what types of cream were prescribed and their scheduled time of application during the day. I forgot how many times i heard the attendant say to an incoming patient (mostly teeners) to “wash your face na”.

Sigh, i wish it were the case for me too, consulting the derma. Nope, i was there because i was itching all over. Nasa Makati Med ako kasi makati ako literally. Now, how redundant can that be? Haha! thanks to the health card provider though, i didn’t pay any consultation fee. I just paid for the medicine, which cost me around the same amount i used to pay when i visit my derma at greenbelt 1, during the time i can still afford a regular facial and pimple treatment. The last time i paid her a visit it was around july of last year. Wow, mag-iisang taon na din pala. Maybe its time i visit her again. I missed her ilongga accent, making chika while her metal implements poke and rid my face of pimples and blackheads; as if we’re just having a casual conversation over a cup of coffee. Hehehe. This new derma who took care of my allergy and pigsa is nowhere near my favourite derma’s chikadora aura. Instead she has this stern look on her face that makes you think she just had botox. She’s a beauty, yes, what with her white skin, high cheekbones and model-like figure; but her icy air would make lucy torres’ features soften when you place them side by side. Yup, it's time to see derma chikadora again, definitely. This face is itching for another bloodshed. Hehehe.


of exercises and coffee meet-ups

2pm—Still in bed, playing the lazy game after finishing a lunch of crackers and oily tuna off a Tupperware container which i washed after with much disgust. The oil tends to stick hungrily to the plastic even when washed with a dishwashing liquid. And i don’t like the smell it leaves after, either. I’ve to wash it the soonest possible time so i could use it to store the crackers left for later consumption—i bought the 150 gram pack, months ago and it just sat in my cupboard accumulating dust. I know i’d be able to eat it someday; i somehow felt a day like this would come—when moving your butt feels like hauling a huge log off the forest with nothing but your bare hands.

I haven’t had a single activity since this morning that would spell exercise. Plus to factor in guilt, i even had the nerve to order eggs from kopi roti when i met with eyvicat for breakfast. And with kopi roti, they always serve you two eggs. Its my first time to order eggs from them, though i have always been intrigued as to how their egg tastes like, primarily because of the presentation. Eyvicat would have nothing to do with em so i finished the whole lot for myself, after which i concluded they’re still just eggs even though they float in a dark brown liquid and sprinkled with a dash of whatever spice on top of em. After the meet-up, i’m back to bed for the remainder of the morning, doing nothing; and just letting my mind wander to where emiliana torrini’s voice will take me. i dozed off a little bit after 12nn only to awaken to a text message from grems asking me to confirm our dinner/coffee meet up at starbucks by around six this evening.

Yes, that has been the trend for me, for almost three days now. Last Tuesday i had dinner and tea with blogger scheez. Yesterday, it was with shattershards and ryan at iceberg’s, afterwhich, we watched the Nicholas cage-starrer “knowing”, all-expense-paid by ryan’s magic identification card—thanks to ryan’s mom who happened to work for the mtrcb; Then off in a few hours to the kopi roti breakfast i had with eyvicat. Tulog lang ang pahinga! Later i’ll be collecting on grems' promise of a free starbucks coffee, which he made over friendster’s messaging service some days ago; and yes, i did extort it from him. Haha!! mark, another dorm mate from my kalayaan and narra days, just might show up later if he finishes early with his appointment, to make the projected nostalgic meet up even more interesting with his fake british accent. Hehehe. with college friends catching up on each other’s lives long after graduation, i doubt if we will ever finish by ten in the evening; in which case i should be moving my butt now.

Come on gentle, just the ab workout part. its not that hard... Puhlease?


gentle preoccupations

reading this one now;
this one, in awe--
always in awe,
everytime i go
to the bookshop.

currently at the part
where he's
describing a party
set in the 1930s;
maybe i'll have another
go at it tonight,
before seeing the movies.

it remains at the bookshelves, still;
waiting for me--

ang mahal kasi.

by the same author of "the curious incident of the dog in the night-time"


the tracks "heaven's gonna burn your eyes" and "until the morning" are beautiful enough to make me weep. weep that i should stumble upon them and find out somebody has already written of them long before i've had the idea to do so. inggitero, hehehe.

tonight i'll surely drown again in emiliana torrini's eerily haunting voice; pleasantly drown, that is. hail to thievery corporation and their impeccable taste in music!